The common test is finally over.And it's been great without any homework but each night just feel so lethargic.Let's see what happen the past few days..

I broke down.Yes it is not a joke.I cried.You guys must think how stupid I am to cry.Well,when you cannot take it anymore you just have to let all the emotions out.Why did I cry.Upon hearing the song on my play-list repetitively,I had some flash back and thoughts about the misfortune of my life and just broke down.

It had been tough on me because it was just some time back that I managed to forgot everything,these misfortune and yet it came back few days ago.

I used to see this world as a cold and feel misanthropy.I was honestly pessimistic because I didn't had a wonderful childhood like any other typical student.I was bullied,cheated,used and took advantage of.I was fooled easily also.Basically my primary school is like a graveyard for me.And another thing that give me a disadvantage is myself.

I never liked myself.Okay I hated myself and now despise it even more.But I know that this is the reality and still have to move on with my life irregardless of the reason.I thought of suicide several times and the feeling of isolationism from my loved one.

I didn't get any love since the day I was born.I observed it even during my special occasion.The more I grew older,the more I didn't feel like celebrating it because the outcome would just be the same.There's no point for it.

Since I knew about my common test result,I felt like giving up right now.I for the first time failed my test which would be reflected in the report book.I just do not want to study anymore.I would rather go to the ITE.

I rant too much.I should go and sulk myself..Maybe death isn't a bad thing at all..

"I am a failure to everyone and the people around me.."

I don't want to lose you as a friend.We had been friends for at least a decade.Each of us might be down at different things and we would have the time to laugh our head off.But losing you would feel another part of me is taken away.Someone that I had shared my secrets and been there for me when I'm down.You are one friend that I could not let go off..I would go an extra mile to help you in whatever ability that I could..

It had been quite a while since I last visit here.I have been pretty busy myself with an English project.It was a great disaster to begin with.And I just feel like deleting it.Although it's too late.

Someone sent me quite a well written song and I have been listening since the past few hours.It can really move a person emotion and really reflect on anything.To me,it made me more understand to see the past and not take everything that people just give to me.I had to be firm but I didn't.Maybe I couldn't.And I was too soft when people wanted me back.A great disappointment..

I felt like crying upon hearing this song.It made me realize so many mistake I had made for the past years of my life.I wanted to repent.I wanted to change myself.But why couldn't I.Something is just holding me back.

When would be the time? For me to change.I am willing to be closer to you.Even if I were to sacrifice all of my friends.I don't mind living in solitariness.I had been there before and I could go there once more.

I want to cleanse away all of my sin away.And forget everything about it.

I will not post until the end of this week since there would be common test.Basically this is the post there will be here until few more days ahead.

I had been a fooled for not taking it so seriously.And when I did something against my religion.It lose my faith in it for a while because I did not abide by it's rules and regulation.

What did I do.

Why was i being so naive about this world.

I may think pessimistic about it but there is a limit and I had forgotten about it.Now is the time to change..

Grant me my wish.Repent.

This past few days have been rather busy.And I am left with a day to finish it off before the school reopen.

It seemed so obvious in my eyes.You might want me to be there with you but your emotions are showing me otherwise.We might be the closest friend compared to other people.I have tried to let you go so many times.To me,it seems that you have already fallen for him.Your emotions could move and stay only by him alone.And I am never in that position to stop it to happen.

I may want all of us to be friends.Yet all of us have a certain limit because we are still in the position of friends,nothing more nor less.And this line that I drew is very clear to you but you kept on erasing it..I have to stay strong to move on with myself.And I am willing to let you go as a friend or..enemy.Because to me I have already seen the obvious in my eyes and could no longer change that.No matter the attempts,I could no longer persevere the relationship.

Alright.That's what on my mind just now.Since I found a song which I could relate to.I could stay focus but not complacent.People can call me whatever they want.Paranoid.Insecure.Stick-man.Ugly.I'm sick of it to entertain all of your comments anymore!

An advice from me.GET A LIFE!

I won't heed any of your comments because it won't benefit me in any way.And there is no point for me to break down over it.I know myself well and you don't have to repeat it in the public.Do you like me getting embarrassed? If so,what kind of friend you are? What kind of heart you got? Look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself that. You might want to hear the good things about you and gossips about other people just because we are the unfortunate one which does not have what you have.

This life might be unfair to us.So,is that even your problem? If you do not want to help us,stay away then.

Jokes are jokes.But if you hurt a person feeling even without seeing an emotional expression.You have already cross the line.Jokes.It is to make people laugh as whole and not just by a mere group while the other got embarrassed about it...

I talked too much.And I don't care what I typed.I will continue with a short paragraph below this sentence.

When a person cry and another individual by its side cried.It shows that we share the pain together and understand the situation we were in.Or someone that wanted to help retaliate against the one that make the person cried is rather a courageous act.No one seems to act this way.They would either just walk off or become a busybody.Not even sparing a thought about the person crying.

Well.That's the end of my thoughts for the day.

Hello readers.School have been moderately fine for me.There were a lot of things happening within our four walls.Well they happen for a reason right.Classes have been alright so far.

Look into the eye of the cat and feel its' situation.

We are people who possess different authority to retaliate against one another.Everything always happen and we are always trying to grasp for air from the outside world but always to no avail.Some of us may classify ourselves as "weak" but we are not what you think we are.We had stand together and fall together.And this is where we stood today.Although I can see that you are trying to divide us.In a day,we could wreck what we have between us and became what you want us to be.Bear this in mind,you can do whatever you want but our ties are much closer than you think they are.

Yawn.I don't know what to blog about anyway.I will end it here until I think of something fascinating.

Hello readers.I had this ridiculous routine which goes on and on for the rest of this year.And have little free time for myself.

Monday-Friday:School
Saturday:Work
Sunday:Religious School

Pathetic right.Anyway school has been great.The Common Test would be starting pretty soon after the Chinese New Year.I have flunked my test pretty badly.And today I've done the first Chemistry Test for this year.I hope I could pass it since I got a few wrong.

Here is a few of the things I want to do in the upcoming week
-Celebrate Chinese New Year
-Make a video
-Have some free time for myself
-Relax
-Sleep
-Not to be late for school[Priority!]

I'm gonna start pretty soon with my homework.It is given today and due tomorrow.So many things need to finish up.Mathematics Class has been going smoothly and it does help us in some way.Chemistry were pretty much the same.And so is the rest of the lesson

Someone told me that I should not stretch myself meaning my limit and potentials.Well I could relate her sayings' to a song.Though it's in Japanese.It has a nice tune to it.Feel free to listen to it under my Music Section on the sidebar.

A side note to today's weather.It felt like I was burning up as I took each step.Now we have to suffer the consequences of the things which they had failed to fix..

Here's the lyrics,first of all in Japanese[Kanji] Romanji and English.

Kanji
気が付けばほら 喜びもわけあえる
無理しなくていいんだ 今僕は独りじゃないから

少しずつ変わり出した 信じ合える絆にむかって

挫けそうになる日も 君がいて
震える手を 力に変えるんだ
当たり前の時間を 一秒でも
君と越えて行きたい

気がつけばまだ しゃがみこむ古傷に
呑み込まれそうになる時は 君を思うよ

少しだけ進めたかな 許し合える 強さに向かって

挫けそうになる日も 君がいて
乗り越えよう 素直に思うんだ
ありきたりな事しか 出来ないけど
いつも支え合いたい

しまい込んだ 希望 勇気 愛情 全てが
君と出逢って 少しずつ輝く世界

君がいれば何度も 立ち上がろう
震える手も 力に変わるんだ
当たり前の時間を 一秒でも
君と共に

挫けそうになる日も 君がいて
乗り越えよう 肩を叩く君に
ありきたりな事しか 言えないけど
いつも届け ありがとう

Romanji
ki ga tsukeba hora yorokobi mo wake aeru
muri shinakute iin da ima boku wa hitori janai kara

sukoshi zutsu kawari dashita shinji aeru kizuna ni mukatte

kujikesou ni naru hi mo kimi ga ite
furueru te wo chikara ni kaerun da
atari mae no jikan wo ichibyou demo
kimi to koete ikitai

ki ga tsukeba mada shagami komu furukizu ni
nomi komare sou ni naru toki wa kimi wo omou yo

sukoshi dake susumeta ka na yurushi aeru tsuyosa ni mukatte

kujikesou ni naru hi mo kimi ga ite
norikoeyou sunao ni omoun da
arikitari na koto shika dekinai kedo
itsumo sasae aitai

shimai konda kibou yume aijou subete ga
kimi to deatte sukoshi zutsu kagayaku sekai

kimi ga ireba nando mo tachi agarou
furueru te mo chikara ni kawarun da
atari mae no jikan wo ichibyou demo
kimi to tomo ni

kujikesou ni naru hi mo kimi ga ite
norikoeyou kata wo tataku kimi ni
arikitari na koto shika ienai kedo
itsumo todoke arigatou

English
Before I knew it, I had learned to share my joys with others.
There’s no need to push myself past my limits, because the person I am right now is not alone.

Little by little, I grew to change, as we moved towards a bond that we can both put faith in.

Even on days full of discouragement, you were there beside me,
Thus changing these trembling hands into strength.
I want to extend for even a second longer the time we take for granted,
If it means being able to spend it with you.

Before I knew it, I found myself still nursing old wounds.
Whenever they’re close to swallowing me up whole, I think of you.

I wonder if I’ve advanced a little further towards a strength that we can both accept.

Even on days full of discouragement, you were there beside me,
Thus making me honestly believe that I could overcome anything.
Although I can only make commonplace gestures, I wish we will forever continue
Holding each other up.

All of my hope, dreams, and love, I had locked away.
But ever since I met you, the world seems to glow, little by little.

With you by my side, I will stand back up time and time again,
And change these trembling hands into strength.
That extra second squeezed out of the time we take for granted,
I will spend with you.

Even on days full of discouragement, you were there beside me,
Slapping my shoulder reassuringly so that I may overcome.
Although I can only speak in cliches, I hope my thanks still reach you,
Always.

-End of Lyric-

Well this song goes to her.It is good to share things right.It might reflect a different meaning to you but my meaning in this song is far than enough to move on in my life.I didn't know why I had forgotten this song few months ago.Finally to have my mind that were used to be in all places back at one.

I did locked my dreams,hope and love to my life.And that is why I could not decide my future.Maybe it is still hidden away.Well I'm trying to gain it little by little because I know that someone out there is trying to make a change in my life and will persevere until I had overcome all obstacle.Standing beside and supporting me throughout my discouragement days.Just like the day that I was unlucky.Everything I touch broke or fell out of place.I have always appreciated the stuff you did and am always greatful!

Got to do my homework.Sayonara minna!

Hello guys.Let me start of with a big thanks for visiting my blog to every readers.Anyway,today I have so many things to blog about and someone is checking up on my grammatical mistakes.So I have to be careful!

Yikes!

The word "competition",have you ever understand the definition of it? To me,it means we are competing against another individual to get something as a reward.

Since the start of a competition,we are always full of ideas and plan to carry it out.Though our vision seemed perfect but putting it up is rather hard.There are always rules and regulation we have to follow in a competition.It does not matter how we do it.When we are participating in a competition,we must have a certain attitude.

Firstly.We should do to our best capability.
Second.Winning is not the only thing in a competition but effort.
Third.If we didn't win we should never insult the winner but instead respect for their hard work achievement
Fourth.If people cheated or use external aid to win in a competition,we should never go an eye for an eye!

We should always respect our competitors.
We should always show our support to them even if we lose.
In the end,we are from the same sports.

Never treat this as a joke.

Although we might be beaten just because of an age difference,but that will never be the case.We live in a society whereby places follow rules and regulation.Yet,we emphasize on the need of multi-racial in our society and just because of an age difference/skills or experience made us turn into someone we are not.

For example,all of us are in a school.Yet our results are compared to a group of classes.This is because we are taking the same examination and we ourselves only have a different pace in learning.Do we have the right to bad-mouth someone who acquire a knowledge far more better than us?

I don't think so and don't even think about it.

And that conclude the topic on "Competition".

Today,lesson was fine and I was just demoralize after our break time.So many things rushed into my mind to and fro.At some time,I felt like sleeping.And there were times,I was being pessimistic.

I felt rather worried sometimes that you did not even bother to take care of your health.You are clearly sick and yet you still want to go out.And the consequences is that you would take Medical Leave again,skipping more and more lesson.

I was hoping that I could believe into something and work it out.But those words you said to me and the concrete evidence just made me want to stay away from you.I am a person who is sensitive with words.Though I don't show it.It is in fact like a needle piercing through my heart.Do you know how much needle I had been pierced with.I still remember my first one when I was still young,even before Kindergarten.

No one has a perfect life and my life is just having too much flaws.

Hello readers.This picture looks like something is flying.I don't really know if it is suppose to be a ghost picture but I just find it unique.

Back on today's topic.This week is another tough week.I feel like I am lacking of sleep and the only day I could get plenty of it would be Sunday.

I myself can see what you want but I am not there to give in to your every demand.We have our own pride and dignity to uphold.You say that you may understand my problem.And we have been so close till then.But you are blinded,you are too pampered with the people around you.You should realize that when an opportunity was given,you should take it even if it was to take my happiness away from me..

In a place where two worlds exist between us.It felt that our behavior spoke otherwise in reality than the cyber-world.We had tried to co-exist the communication we had.To me,it is not that I don't want to.We are just surrounded with so many "kay-pohs".It is easy to cause a misunderstand and lose them than to treasure with the people you have.

Upon seeing your character,I understood so many things.And sometimes you were just merely hiding it.We may have our time to laugh and time to do work.We may see so many wonders in which we did not use to appreciate before.We have learn the meaning of dedication and hard work.All we need is left would be attitude..

Okay I'm done blabbering nonsense.I feel so tired and would love to fall asleep right now.Tomorrow there will be another humanity test.Yawn.

I am putting my revision aside for a while.I need to get the rest I need! Here is where I end.

Oyasuminasai!

Hello readers.It had been a while.Well I managed to finish all my task last week and one of it was a composition..I wrote about my dream well the story a personal recount.I hope that the teacher would not laugh it off.Well I wrote it as it was way out of down to earth thing.I think..

Anyway,our class basically sum up to 40 people.That's quite a lot right don't you agree? This week there will be so many upcoming test and I should stop using this tone in this entry..

-Silent-

It is already the month of February.It felt so hard.It is also so tiring at the same time.And yet I could sense another obstacle will be in my way once more on the upcoming days.Mmm.So many things to do and yet so little time.

Looks are deceiving I tell you.If we are hardworking doesn't mean that it is a guarantee that we would pass our examination I was referring to the 'O's.It is like my Ex Form teacher used to say.What is the amount of effort that we put in since we said that we worked hard for it

Last but not least.The Maths class was awesome! Yeah I said it.It's fantastic.A class which I would love to go to everyday! Wohoo. It is not the teacher.It is the number of student.

When I came across this topic like "Dreams" , "Your Ambitions" "Your Future". I would stone for a minute or two.I could never really figure out my dream or ambitions.And I have been thinking about it since I was young.I'm worried.

Help me out here guys.Drop me a tag in the chatbox saying which job I would be appropriate to be.Please no ridiculous job..

Tell me heart,what should I be.Please tell me.I am on the verge of breaking down.I do not possess an ambition nor a career path.Why should I do well if I have nothing to aim for.Tell me Please.I need it.The drive of my motivation is diminishing slowly.I really need it.What am I capable to be as? Why did I have so many set-back in life and yet this is another obstacle along the way..Who should I be? What I am suppose to be and yet here I am.On this ground solid earth..

안녕히 가세요