You seemed so happy whenever I talked to you but you did not realized the message I am trying to bring to you.Maybe my words are not convincing enough for you.This is for your own good and the only way for you to carry on your life as someone who still holds that dignity.You never realize it the importance of having one compared to other people.You laughed when others are being compared and your mood changed when you are being compared.

I used to typed before the good will change and the bad would too.Attitude that is.If we want to remain consistent in our attitude,it is the environment we are in but we could not blame the environment as noisy because there is no such environment to adapt to our own liking.There is always noise everywhere we go.This shows how much the world had changed and to hold a certain value highly.

Everyone do not want to see the truth.They wanted to see a lie for their answer because they know that the truth will hurt their feelings deeply.Have they thought..The longer they hide their true intention the more suffering they would face once the truth is out.People should start to be focus because this is really the final lap for our secondary school life and we have to go through it as a level.Finishing it off with the sweat we shed

Each individual has its own patience and the limit they are willing to go to.And also each individual should respect that patience and would not provoke it.They might think it is fun however have they thought what they had been through before us or the exercise they are doing in this month..Prudence is what they have to exercised.Even if the fault is on her side we should still be considerate.Ever heard "Respecting your elders"?

Comparison is not really acknowledged in a class because no one really liked to be compared with one another just because of the ability they lacked of.Everyone wants freedom and if our moods are affected we would not want to deliver our expectations.We are being stubborn and always neglect our future just because of our own selfish acts but sometimes it seems they are also at fault just because they never really understand what we as a teenager are going through either.The fault lies between us and them.No one will ever learn their lesson neither adult nor teenager.

"No one seem to be bothered with anything"

I have lost a friend completely and I will accept it and just move on.The preliminary examinations are back and it seems that there is always room for improvement and that all of us should work harder.Because without that hard effort and the value of it,it would affect the result dramatically.

It seems that I had always looked out for you but you have changed back to your normal self.I am in no position to judge for what you should do and will never would because you have a life that should be decide on your own and live by your own free will.Our friendship might seemed to be repaired at first but I knew that we could no longer rebuilt that relationship we once had.Now is the time for us to accept the fact and move along.
Its a pity that I had to do so.

Everything in life usually decide by us but is just that we don't realize it and cause everything to be a mess.When we are narrow in a problem,we would always want an easy solution for it because we are still young and should learn from our mistakes.It may sound true but this is a reality of the world.People are corrupted and the chances of finding people to help you is only to a certain extent.

We could no longer become friends forever because both of us had destroyed the trust we once had.I do not wished to rebuilt such relation as this had been a problem everytime we met or either talk.But if there is a chance possibility to rebuild that relation,nothing is impossible but our actions have to be left behind.Though we may talk about things openly but actually we have nothing in common..

One by one they all left me but it is a choice that had to be done.No one want to feel that they are being used by them just for their own advantage and never keep any special memories they have between them in a friendship.No one wants to be the scape goat in the friendship and just wanted everyone to be treated equally despite their social-economic background.Well I am not being naive about having friends or forming them but is the choice they had made to break the friendship after numerous chances...Even if you say who am i to them?!Well,I am someone with a sense of logic to choose what is right for me

I don't want to annoy anyone else.Well should just tape my mouth shut!Don't feel like talking to people..

"Goodbye Friends.."

The preliminary examination has ended and it seems people are rejoicing for it.But the N level is not really far away.I just hope that you would stop your childish acts and focus on what is going to be a requirement for your future.The Fasting month also had kicked off yesterday and it seems that families are now enjoying meals as a family.A special feeling that could make each member connects between one another.

It is still my fault for not realizing my actions but I do not wished to know more about you anymore and by that I would want our relation to distant.Even if you did not wish so,only a matter of time it takes to stretch it apart.

Life have its way to show interest in me.Yet I do not want to be involve with you anymore.You had been a great companion but now is the time to let go.I saw you when you are down and let me hold you close but when you are your normal self,you neglected me and pushed me away.You thought that I was okay and let me carry on my life as if nothing happened but deep down you are the one that hurt me the most.

Even if my actions are childish,you can't expect me to be what I'm not around you.

Well whatever,the past is the past and if it remain that way I do not wish to change that.I do not wish to be nostalgic and be too proud of myself.You said you knew me that well but what have you ever understand from me so far.Our life is full of tests and will never ends no matter how much we liked or dislike it..

"Another milestone achieved yet another awaits"

I had failed becoming a good friend to you even after we had been through.It seems that nothing could be done to help one another.Our friendship is becoming distant and will keep doing so if nothing were to be done.We tried to be friends but one simple mistake you did create a misunderstanding of it.Our preliminary examinations are ending and soon we will get back our results.I sensed that most of us were not serious in this examination as it would not affect our National Examination.Well that's choice is up to them if they want to take it as that.No one is stopping you seriously.Everyone had done their part to help us and guide along the way and now it is time for us to take off our own using the things we had learn.And this time you could not cheat your way out of it.

Today I had another dream.It's really a strange one by how the people inside there react.It is like their doppelganger playing a role on a stage.Well I can say that some of us will be involved and everything will be required by each individual in their teenage years.We could not rely on others anymore.Am I being superstitious?I doubt so.I only can bring forth a message that no matter what happen our differences must be put aside and work together through cooperation and coordination to overcome obstacles.In the distant future,we will be self-dependent besides the one that was surrounding us.

"Who will be there?"

It felt like I'm just rolling down from a hill.Test after test.So tensed and yet so funny at some moment.The atmosphere of school is pretty awkward.That's what I can say.Well anyway I had another dream recently and it's about a place in Mexico called Tabasco which I never heard before.So this place came into my dream and my journey began as a tourist.Some sort of it.As i walked down the dirt road,I came across a volcano in that vicinity and it began to explode all of a sudden spurting out its content..It was a scary sight..And I told my friend about it and he said that it was just a dream that was imaginary.Well I hope so too.This place which I never heard of just came into me..Maybe I'm just thinking too much.Stress?Examination?Well it should be ending soon..

Today mark her 1 year anniversary no longer being with the family.But what I expected turn the outcome differently.Though I still miss her,I doubt anyone care.Well I just hope she would think that if only one person is still thinking about her she would still be well wherever she is..And so this is how the story goes..

I did not protect her that much and I was useless at that moment of time.She had been the one there listening to my problem but I could not do anything in return for her.When the day she died,I watched her suffered painfully and still walking around to find its resting place.Along with her suffering from the difficulties to breathe as it was her final breath in this world.I cried as she soon wanted to leave this world..

When we were told to sent her to the vet,the vet we went but I know that the survival chances is low but I tried to put a strong face and as we enter the vet.We demanded that Snowy was in its critical stage and had to be treated immediately.I knew that there would be delay and soon after the result was out.She was pronounced dead and state that a white pus had developed in her body.But even so why wasn't any sign shown by her?She did not want us to worry about her?

She was special wasn't she.To everyone that is.She met all sort and different kind of people and learnt how to adapt with it.Well I can say that I treated her more than just a pet.I dedicated this song to her:

She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart he spent his whole life tryin' to forget
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Until the night

1st Chorus
He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said I'll love her till I die
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby

(Sing lullaby)

The rumors flew but nobody know how much she blamed herself
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Until the night

2nd Chorus
She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby

(Sing lullaby)

This song entitled "Whiskey Lullaby" by Brad Paisley.Though today marks your anniversary,I could not stop thinking about you because you had been there for me and I had not been there for you.When you were buried,lift upgrading was suddenly decided in your burial place.We could not disturb a resting spirit as it is rude and had no choice but to let you go away with the bulldozer..When I look today,has anyone even care about her?Well I know that some people does but we still have to move on and I know that.But once in a while it's good to just laid back those study and think about the deceased..

Well the time is ticking away and those unforgotten memories is scarred in me forever causing my emotion to become unstable.She understands me somehow but ever since she left,my mood swing pretty much and affect the people around me.Well people change and I can't deny that fact and so did I.I am currently feeling angry and sad at the same time because of this incident.Well at least you know what is my weak spot is after reading this entry..

I am fortunate to have new pet to replace her though her memories still remains.Nevertheless,they brought up the happiness that was lost after her burial causing a gloomy atmosphere in the dining table.Everyone didn't talk back then and never did enjoy dinner.Appetite was also affected and so was mine.But they changed that, just with their presence.I'm glad and I hope she is too.Having someone to look after us..

"Rest In Peace"

Judging from a person eye what can you tell about them.Are they those friendly type or vicious or someone that is just looking for someone to aid them in their problems..

You had always told me about how the hardships you have been through and you could not control it against by your will.You have never thought about those that sit by the street at busy and crowded areas or near the corridor of a street.Even if their own dignity would be tarnish,they make an effort to be there because that is how they are going to survive and earn a living.Their dignity was tarnished and we still have ours up high but what are we doing about what we are given good to start with..

Though some of you get easily frustrated about the things in life and how people treated you.You should know that anger should be express somewhere else rather than someone being a victim of it.Would you want to hurt a person feeling than express it freely where no one is bound to be hurt?

All of this is up to us to change the outcome of an event and only if we see it thoroughly to solve the problem.

A word is just a word
Until you mean what you say
A Love isn't a love
Til you give it away
We all got to give
Yeah something to give to make a change

Send it on
On and on
Just one hand can heal another
Be apart
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts a fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make us Strong
Shine a Light and Send it On

Just smile and the world will smile along with you
That small acts of love
Then the one will become two
If we take the chances
To change circumstances
Imagine all that we could do
If we...

Send it on
On and on
Just one hand can heal another
Be apart
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts a fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make us Strong
Shine a Light and Send it On
Send it on

There's Power in all the choices we make
So I'm starting now not a moment to wait
A word just a word
Until you mean what you say
A love isn't just a love
Until you give it away

Send it on
On and on
Just one hand can heal another
Be apart
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts a fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make us Strong
Shine a Light and Send it On
Send it on

Send it on
On and on
Just one hand can heal another
Be apart
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts a fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will help things start
Make us Strong
Shine a Light and Send it On
Shine a Light and Send it On
Shine a Light and Send it On

This song entitled "Send it On" by Disney Star which is performed by Jonas Brother,Demi Lovato,Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez.This song want to let everyone know that just by helping a person,that deed would change a character of another person causing them to help another person in need.It is a never ending cycle if everyone change their mind that we should help those in need rather than they suffer.This world is already at its dire state seeing people suffering from the aftermath of the disaster and humanitarian aid is bound to be present..

Even if you think that you cannot do anything that powerful done by the government but just by donating to charity really makes a difference to someone else life just that we don't see it..Everyone in this world is not fortunate with what we have and what they don't while some may have more than us.But to those that is really in need is the crucial category as they could easily bring about diseases without the proper hygiene and basic need for their everyday life..People's mind are quite narrow because we would want to donate to see the changes right in front of our eyes.And by then it is already too late..

2 more days and it will start.Barely did anything with myself this past few days..It had been a while since I regain my mind back..Well I can say that it felt good to lose it and getting it back.By then I would noticed how far that people have changed towards or against me.Don't ask me why I am doing this.Cause I barely have any clue either.Well the preparations of the preliminary examinations have nowhere to begin with so I have no idea if I'm going to do well for it..

I have been reading about my previous post and see that my mind is partially there well near to a below 10th percentile I guess.This is life.Nothing to joke about though.It sounded like I'm too relax right.

Anyway,everyone in my class is different but I don't really want to go into detail on each individual.They have seen me and I have seen them.Few more weeks then we would all part.No regrets.Our Classroom would become like an empty stage without the fun and joy that used to fill the atmosphere with.I wanted to start a new life but who stopping me anyway right?Well i will see all of you sooner or later whoever read this post..

I just remembered something.Today is our nation birthday.Commemorating 44th year of independence.Happy birthday I guess..I believe that all of these number would come to an end soon..

Only 4 more days are left before the commencement of the Preliminary Examination and everyone seems to be rushing against time..And soon after that the 'N' level would start followed by Intensive Revision and its 2nd part..

It had been a while since I have a proper conversation with you but I told you the reason of my actions and you understood of why I am doing so.I could never bring myself up to apologize for my own actions or sticking to the past for so long.I know I had to move on this matter but the pain is just too unbearable.

When you space out in class,you reminded me of someone.Someone which I should had forgotten but as I glanced upon your face,that very thought struck me.I could never really believed that it came back to me.And as the lesson went through,I tried to put up a happy and cheerful face but deep down I felt scared,afraid and threatened.That danger lurked once more..

One of you asked about the suffering of my life and I never did expressed it clearly as I had no intention to because even if I did..Who cares? and maybe they would just laugh their heads off..

Have I told you how good it feels to be me,
when I'm in you?
I can only stay clean
when you are around.
Don't let me fall.
If I close my eyes forever,
would it ease the pain?
Could I breathe again?

[Chorus:]
Maybe I'm addicted,
I'm out of control,
but you're the drug
that keeps me from dying.
Maybe I'm a liar,
but all I really know is
you're the only reason I'm trying.

I am wasted away,
I made a million mistakes.
Am I too late?
There is a storm in my head;
it rains on my bed
when you are not here.
I'm not afraid of dying,
but I am afraid of losing you.

[Chorus:]
Maybe I'm addicted,
I'm out of control,
but you're the drug
that keeps me from dying.
Maybe I'm a liar,
but all I really know is
you're the only reason I'm trying.

When you're lying next to me
love is going through to me.
Oh it's beautiful.
Everything is clear to me
'till I hit reality
and I lose it all...
I lose it all...
I lose it all.
I lose it all...
Nah nah nah
nah nah nah....
Nah nah nah nah nah nah.....
nah nah nah nah nah nah....

You're the only reason,
Yeah, you're the only reason I'm trying,
Oh, I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying,
Don't want to lose it all,
Don't want to lose it all,
I'm trying, I'm trying..
I'm trying ...
Yeah, you know I'm addicted,
You know I'm addicted,
Yeah, you know I'm addicted....

This song entitled "Addicted" by Enrique Iglesias.This song move my emotion as it is playing because none of us like to lose in the things we loved and hold dear to.A priceless treasure.Even if we tried our best,someone stronger and powerful could easily take that away from us..

Through your actions and teaching,you have a strong motivation to get the things you want and because of that I applaud for your actions because to others you seem like an average person with a profession but to some of us you have something more than that.

As I sat beside you surrounded by a different breeze of air,you felt angered and wished to expressed it all out.I have no right to say what you should do or had done to handle the situation but once you attended the class that anger which was like going to burst any minute diminishes just like raindrops from the clouds..

I wished that I could turned back the time for you but all of us are human and nothing more.Even if we are unique,we don't possess such extraordinary power to overcome obstacle than a normal human being.But I see that all of you had suffered a great deal by your actions and I am somehow affected by it.So many emotions with so many individual event from each of my friends in one day impacted me so much..I am not thinking it in a negative way and treat it as something against me but adapting to it. I'm not thinking about dying but felt that I played a fault in all of this problem.A feeling of guilt..

"Believe in something to achieve it"

Whatever I had typed in the previous post were the feelings that I felt on that day and now it had diminished.I will not delete such post as these are my memories and the only way I could remember them..

All this time I was wasting
Hoping you would come around
I've been giving out chances every time
And all you do is let me down

And it's taking me this long
Baby but I figured you out
And you're thinking we'll be fine again
But not this time around

You don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can say that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry, no, no, no, no

Looking so innocent
I might believe you if I didn't know
Could've loved you all my life
If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold

And you got your share of secrets
And I'm tired of being last to know
And now you're asking me to listen
Cause it's worked each time before

But you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry, no, no, oh
You're not sorry, no, no, oh

You had me falling for you honey
And it never would've gone away, no
You used to shine so bright
But I watched all of it fade

So you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
There's nothing left to beg for

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry, no, no, oh
You're not sorry, no, no, oh
No, oh, no, oh, no oh
Whoa, no, no

A song entitled "You're not sorry" by Taylor Swift.This is the last straw.I would not hesitate to resort into actions as it had been on my mind ever since..We had our good times but now it is scarce.There is no time to joke even if the Preliminary Examinations are not important to you,it is still consider an examination..

I have always treated you like a friend or maybe even more but you never ever looked at me that way and always turn it around..As the number of attempts I tried,you would never fail to surprise me and making me losing hope on you..You were always concern about your studies and realized your mistakes but you never really repent for your mistakes..I always had high hopes for you as I favor you more than anyone else but up to now that hope now remains just like an endless dream..

It is now time for me to move on and accept the wrongs of my actions and also the people attitude towards me.To everyone that felt I had offended them,I sincerely apologized for my wrongdoings.As this would be the end of it.I will restrain myself and never annoy any of you again..

"I had always cherished the things we had before and treasure it but now I wished to give it all back"