I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me, me, me

This song entitled "My Immortal" by Evanescence.Someone character could be change if they want it to.We should learn and never to be gullible enough that everything is fixed even if we had known them for quite some time.As we grow,our actions also change and this is just natural not a mere coincidence..Today had been a rough day and up to this day I had understood what changes all of them had made.And if that is the way they going to treat me,I would accept it.Tormenting one another could cause so many things be said or done without realizing that it was too late to revert the action..

Slitting your wrist could cause the end of your life..Hmm.I wonder.. Every time I feel that when I look at myself..There is really no point doing anything for my own benefits..Just like one of my friend said,we all looked the same even if we are years apart from photograph..We are born that way and be grew up that way,there is really nothing we could change..Maybe he's right..My burden is pointless to be carried by them..And when the time for me to leave this world,I would accept it..Whole-heartedly..To me,no one had ever understand me and will never do because I purposely made myself to be so complex.I don't blame the either and also no one had ever cherished me before..I'm just a worthless asset to everyone in this world..There is no point arguing..Dying is the only solution to erase my existence in this world...

I'm not blaming for the incident that occurred today and I was never angry..It had been on my mind ever since that incident which happened 2 years ago..

"The bad should just rot away..Including me.."

As the day goes by I see your attitude changing each day.I could not help it but adapt to those changes.Being a friend,we need to make sacrifices with one another to have a better relationship.Though nothing is always seems to go the way we wanted.Sometimes I always tried to give you a hint about the things you should do now but you look at the situation differently..It's a pity after numerous attempts I've tried. Our days are really numbered and I can say that time is not on our side anymore and as each second that ticks away,the closer we are getting to our examination..

Having someone to compete with have its own advantages.It could motivate a person to do well against their rival.Even if the outcome is better,each individual should know that they did it with their own effort and was done fairly..As we flipped through the pages,we felt a great sense of achievement that we managed to overcome after so many times failing to do so..

Found myself today
Oh I found myself and ran away
Something pulled me back
The voice of reason I forgot I had

All I know is just you're not here to say
What you always used to say
But it's written in the sky tonight

So I won't give up, no I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me

Seen that ray of light
And it's shining on my destiny
Shining all the time and I won't be afraid
To follow everywhere it's taking me

All I know is yesterday is gone
And right now I belong
Took this moment to my dreams

So I won't give up, no I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me

It doesn't matter what people say
And it doesn't matter how long it takes
Believe in yourself and you'll fly high
And it only matters how true you are
Be true to yourself and follow your heart

So I won't give up, no I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe

That I won't give up, no I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong even when it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
That someone's watching over, someone's watching over
Someone's watching over me, someone's watching over me

This song entitled "Someone's watching over me" by Hilary Duff".A song which shows the spirit of someone that would persevere all the way.Once we found our true personality,we would know what to do in the future even if there is minor things that hold us back,we should never give up..Usually people come into this world and go when their time is up.This is how our life as a human cycle..

Grievance would always be present but someone with a strong mind should know that although they are not by our side,they would be always remain in our heart.Their faces and character would really be felt and touched by oneself.In this world,we should overcome the fear of the risks of each problem because if we are afraid,we would be not solving it immediately but instead procrastinating it away for a later date..Although I say this,we should see the situation and overlook how to solve it..

Never give up on something you believe in because in each individual that earns a success,someone is always supporting them.

Music really affect my mood and right now I should just stop and hear myself out..I always dislike any misunderstanding that had been coincidental establish few years ago..I would always look up to you as a friend and not anyone special but to them we had something special which I don't think we have..I talked about it and both of us agreed..Although it was coincidental to them, to me it is not.Rumor started to spread at first but I did not realize it back then.My mind had not really mature yet but I guess it is too late.However,without that special bond we would never be what we are today..With our head up high,standing strong and looking forward to overcome obstacles beyond us..Makes me felt thankful that we had met..And appreciate the class that we had..The laughter we had as a group or class or some even clique was a priceless memory and soon all of it were to be wash away..

If the heart is always searching,
Can you ever find a home?
I've been looking for that someone,
I'll never make it on my own
Dreams can't take the place of loving you,
There's gotta be a million reasons why it's true.

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.

How long will I be waiting,
To be with you again
Gonna tell you that I love you,
In the best way that I can.
I can't take a day without you here,
You're the light that makes my darkness disappear.

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.

More and more, I start to realize,
I can reach my tomorrow,
I can hold my head up high,
And it's all because you're by my side.

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When I hold you in my arms,
I know that it's forever.
I just gotta let you know,
I never wanna let you go.

When you look me in the eyes.

And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.
Oh

This song entitled " When you look me in the eyes" by Jonas Brother.This song reminded me and also those that were moved by it should know that, we should never give up with the person we are looking for.When people are committing a crime,think about their loved one..It is a bliss to have something of your own than watching others having it..We might have our differences in our class but when one is being threaten from external people, will we be the one helping them? I would because we are a class! One for All and All for One unless they are at wrong than it's different..Helping someone is a deed that is priceless because with that kind of heart,we can go share that kindness with everyone.They deserved that second chance and that is why we did so..

When will you open your eyes?I can see clearly for who you really are and yet you are still hiding it away.Your true feelings..Nothing is embarrassing even if it would affect your reputation.Which would you choose love that only contain priceless memory or wealth that could be obtain by our effort with time..Love could not be bought with money..I would still accept you as a friend even if you are change.You have to give yourself a chance..

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I will never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I will never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I will never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

Another Song entitled "Because Of You" By Kelly Clarkson.This song shows that human have typical mind because they always want a shortcut to everything but if they make one mistake they screw up everything.And by that we all have to learn the hard way,the hard cold truth.We would always listen to those around you because they had known us for a long time or had been our classmate for a year or so.And if they were to betray us we would be hurt..That negative feeling.We felt that we would want to commit suicide because life has no meaning to them anymore..Even if they had everything,they are still not satisfied.This is what humans really are..Have they ever thought those that suffered from disease are far worse than them and that death is upon them?This world is truly absurd..

Some cases whereby people are being compared to some other distant countries which they never had been to or being insulted,discriminated against because of their gentle gesture..Are they right to do so?I don't think so.All of us came from different parents which composite of different genetics through generation and that is all pass to us..Even if we got a rotten attitude it has a limit to everyone's patience..Never ever think that you can turn a person fear towards you.Bear this in mind..

"Justice would always prevail!"

I feel that I don't really deserve to be with you even though we talk nonsensical things or something random.It is best just for me to let go of you because you are busy in your own world and I am busy with mine.It is best just for me to be someone out far to be a lookout for you but never had I thought that this day would come..We barely talk during school and only a glance of our smile we saw everytime we walk pass.

We should know that things happen for a reason and always does.We learn and let go when it is best to do so.If not our life would be disrupted by the prolonging problem we held on for too long.We should understand and have to accept the fact even if we dislike the outcome.To be honest,we have to make sacrifice for the happiness of others.What make our heart at ease?Seeing people happy or we being happy ourselves.I never really want to pass of your offer but the way you acted.Should I really play along with it?I don't know..Maybe I should or maybe I don't..Promises usually left emptied which would make someone become angry easily or frustrated..Like I said it is not my choice to pass such decision even if you say that there was a choice but to me everything is up to the limit..Something is always bound to happen if I accept things and usually those that are unlucky..

During the day of the eclipse 22 July,many things happened and we had to endure until the day is over.Some say that during that period it is the best when many prayers were to be answered but to some it brings a great mischief towards other..I seen it all and understand what they mean by mischief.Everyone was acting weird..My decision would be a fixed one.Wish I had done it sooner..To prevent the loss of someone trust..Maybe I am not good to be in this world..

Time had passed so quickly that I had just realized a week had past and soon our Preliminary Examination will start..Sometimes I don't understand what is wrong with me.Am I just being annoying to others?That is what I felt..I just talked too much don't I?Honestly I try my best to refrain from doing so..I just want to stop talking for once and forget that attitude of mine..I want to be like last time..

I felt that I should apologized those that I had committed my wrong doings on them.I was foolish back then or maybe even today.I am still a kid and to me that is what I really am.Just like a primary school kid.People always thought that I am the innocent type of person who would always listen to teacher and do what they instruct us to do.Well people change so did I.These actions had to be carefully revised.I never really want to bring up any misunderstanding between us but sometimes you should know that there is a limit when treating one person especially those that have ranks..What should I do?..

Yet today my actions are still not well thought of.I am still a kid and would always be.Urgh..What did I do wrong.Why did I react that way.Though I could not really find an answer to myself..What should I do..I wanted to do something and that would be walking in the rain with someone because when I'm at that soaking wet state I would recall my emotions..The one that I had been keeping for so long..Argh!I'm so confused..

Sometimes I think that people could not really know what I am thinking or when I am thinking logical things.Am I that complex to understand?I don't think so..I'm happy that's all.Typical isn't it?I'm just an average person..Nothing much..

"This is where effort comes in"

Another story of how a love story should go.All of us have someone that we really love to be with for the rest of our life and cherish,respect and give anything that they want..We could not rely on our own strengths and by that we would always wanted to continue the generation of the family and only a small amount of people are independent..What we do and the actions we show gives an impression towards other person.When you are down for a day or so,they would get worried..When you are sick they brought you homework..When they have important plans they would cancel it for you..This all shows what love can do to sacrifice so many important things at hand but will all of us fall to this? I would say that most people would because this world people are narrow minded.Born,live life,get married,have children,die..

Today during class,I had discussion among my friends and though it seems that people are still not giving an open mind on certain topic which I felt that it takes time.However we still do not own that right to discriminate against others because they are born to be that way.They never asked to be born like that and possess that kind of character..Even so please be mindful of others,it might not affect your life now but what if retribution really befalls on your future family or maybe someone you hold dear to...

Tomorrow would be the celebration of Racial Harmony day where all races would realize the importance of having racial harmony in our society.Though the past is the past,it would be a scarred history in our country and that we must be mindful about the words we utter..Each race in our society possess different law and custom according to religion..We would consider ourselves lucky as we live in a democratic country without having any discrimination between races..We must be appreciative with the people we get to see and learn new things from them..

"Our life is always a learning journey.Never forget that!"

Challenges.What are they?Could they really motivate someone to do well either with ill treat method or the fair one..I love to have challenges to face with because that would be the time which made us to think even deeply.Understanding the situation and making use of what we learn to overcome such situation is the best.Team work could also be useful as we have more people to work with and of course the challenges would be tougher than a single person course..

Sometimes I wished that people could make challenge with me about test,examination because that is the driving force of me doing well..And of course there is always a catch in such challenges that does not involve monetary or status ruined.A fair challenge would be best because that is the time when we show our own effort to do well..Never would we think to cheat..Or maybe that would be the last thing on our mind.Wish something like that could happen regularly in my class though...

As we face with new challenges we try our best to overcome it.Just like jumping over a hurdle,it takes more effort than just running on the ground..

"As we leap higher,we would feel the sense of true achievement of effort"

Everyday I keep hearing voice whispered to me into my ear.Always I looked around to find if anyone did called me.Yet there was always no one.It has been happening for quite sometime.Who is trying to communicate to me or is it just wind that blows?

I would always look up to you as a friend and I can't help it if you want to change yourself because like I said no one has the right to say for other to be what they want to be.I would be willing to let you go if there was really no choice.I understand that you are have a unique personality that differs from mine but still I would be there for you if any problem would came up.Though I rarely see you feeling blue making me worried about you lesser..People always say those who laugh the most would cry the most in the end.I do not wish to see anyone shed a tear just because of something they did and regret..I tried to warned but you just want to do it your way..

Even if there is someone trying to approach me,show it to me clearly..I can see things clearly and can manage between my positive point and negative,though I have more of the second one..Nevertheless,I would never be what I am in the past.If that happens,I would just do what I liked best..Wished what was it though..


Well whatever happen always happens for a reason.I can't deny that fact..

This world is already full of corruption by people that surrounds me and just by a simple outing yesterday made me feel how corrupted people are already at and some small minor details that people never really pay attention of..They want hygiene but the things that used are far too much than a wastes that had been compiled to produce carbon monoxide into the air..

I feel that this is a place where I can truly express myself freely..We live in a democratic country following jurisdiction which had made it a fair country to live in and the rights of a human being..Possessing qualities that people have in the olden days have gone and past..That is what all of us lacked,just because we don't see a difference in things we should not get frustrated or annoyed.I indicated that all people have different pace of learning and which also incurred on the way you look at things.Some are slow and some are fast but yet you don't get it..When I stood still on the chair,you show me two sides,though my answer is unstable is because you did it too fast..I never manage to regain my vision at that moment of time and you accidentally hit me on my face..That doesn't explain anything by how your hand could had hit my face..I would never allow any sweet talk with my close family member and now you would pay the price for it!

This song entitled " Do you know" by Enrique Iglesias.Okay first of all I am not angry but I could not find any logical scenario of how your hand could hit my face.And on top of that you tried to convince my family member with that smirk on your face making me hate you even more..You would regret what you did!..

I just don't really understand me..First I really love with what I have meaning that I'm satisfied and just by meeting few people my whole mindset is totally spoil so does my mood..Does anyone know?They could only know if they read my blog often..A place where I express freely without any restriction or judgment by others.What I really feel about my life..I could say that my life is a typical one..In other words,just an average type of student with average grades and life..I would advice people to take care of themselves if they are sick so that their recovery would be faster but people never really listen to me and went against it by spreading the bacteria..No one likes to eat medicine or fall sick..All of you should be lucky that you don't have a life that I have..

Do any of you even know what I had gone through in life?
Do you know the pain and suffering and the sacrifice I had to do?
Do you know that I suffer from chronic disease that is incurable ever since I was born to this world?
Do you know that I had always hated myself?
Do you know that I would feel like dying when problem came up?

Be happy with what you have and don't try to be someone you are not.This is a life that I have and would be sticking to me forever even though I don't like it.All of us live in different life.This is not some exaggerating statement but the fact..I don't hate the world but those people that are just too proud..

"Express yourself freely people say..What about the consequences?"

Classroom a place where students all gather for a new start of lesson everyday of the week..Also a place where we all mingle and get to know more about our friends better..Always discussion among friends on the current or future event that will affect their life..Today I came across one interesting topic which they brought up in the class,the year 2012,total solar eclipse..They felt that the year 2012 is just bogus meaning specifically referring to the prediction of the Maya " 21 December 2012" .Though I did not really bother to take a stand in this topic,opinions are best to be kept among themselves..The place where the school was built is not an ordinary location..It was built for a reason and to serve a great purpose as well..Well whatever..

Time flies and still precautionary measures for the mild flu in still in place..Though i see there is really no difference in setting up such precaution as we would still mingle with one another;toilet,bookshop,pond and library..It's been a rough week but I somehow managed to pull through up today.Left with few more weeks to the Preliminary examination and the EL oral which had start off on 7th July.

We all have someone that we really look for when we are in trouble and they would be the one that would save our life..Sometimes having problem we feel stress we let it out in all sort of methods..

When our mind are not well-composed we would do things that is ruthless..That is why it is best to stay calm in whatever the situation we are in;taking oral,doing test or other practical stuffs..The weather also had been acting weird lately..Lightning and Thunder flashed out of nowhere striking its sound away..

It is good to believe in something that would benefit someone else and always actions are louder than word but now we are in a dire situation where all of our curriculum are restrained..Empty promises are not best to be kept if it was really never been intended to be fulfill at first.In other words,making a promise with the potential we can do to fulfill it..

Everywhere there is always relationship between a boy and a girl and usually this relationship don't really have a this happy ending like they wished to just like a fairytale.All of us are still young and study is still the main priority as a student as this would be the one that would let us find a job and feed ourselves for the rest of our life..Some are just like a slave and some are just being played at..They would never know that they are either being fooled or a true love..This is what our society is.ABSURD! and usually everyone would fall under the first category..I don't really like what they think..Emotions are not something that can be randomly played at because they would never know what could have impacted their mentality of losing a love that they had prolonging for;the perfect match they say...

"Love what is it anyway.."

Ever since my cat suffered an open wound on his body,I felt worried sick.Because my previous one suffered the same fate and left this world because of that..My mind went at ease after consulting veterinarian about his wound and stitches was not done on it but only medication.Up until today the wound had finally close by itself..What i find truly remarkable is how my brothers willing to go to the extra mile just to save a family member that we are dear to it..

People should never hide what they truly feel about one another until its too late even if it would affect one self dignity and pride.There is only a small population of people who would really understand another person even if they are from far..

Hey Dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according
To plan?
Do you think I'm wasting
My time doing things I
Wanna do?
But it hurts when you
Disapprove all along


And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me


Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be Perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be Perfect


I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be
My hero
All the days
You spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't
Care anymore


And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing alright


Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be Perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be Perfect


Nothing's gonna change
The things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this
Right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand


Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be Perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be Perfect


Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be Perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be Perfect


This song entitled "Perfect" by Simple Plan which shows that we are who we are and by that it means we follow our passion through our career because if we joined a career we don't enjoy we end up getting fired because of the lack of motivation.Just like referring to one person,we can be who we want if we put a faith in others because in this world we could not live and grow up on our own..We require help from wherever we could get..Though nowadays relationship with parents are getting worse towards children because of how strong we believe in something..

You might say that they don't understand what we have been through and we need our own space also.From time to time we should also understand in their shoes because they are worried about us..All of us are not perfect even if you admit you are,everyone have something that they lack of such as insecurity,anti-social,unpopular so on and so forth but all of this could change if we ourselves want to do it and by that it could only happen is by our motivation through friends with their strong encouragement and supports..

"You need to open up if you are certain"

It had been few days since the school open.Like a typical normal school days just with precaution being implemented now and then and without a morning assembly everyday..It's been a while I guess but there is still so many things to be done.."N" level English Oral Examination is starting in few weeks time and the rest would follow..Our schedule are strained with the H1N1 virus,upcoming holidays and events.

I realized that my attitude had changed but I would never thought that it would made others think differently about me..I don't know what made this happen..Maybe influenced?Maybe not.All of this did lie with my own decision but nothing was made up in an instant..Depending on my mood with who I mingle for the day..I would still uphold my value till the end despite my mood swing or attitude change towards my classmates and teachers..I don't really feel myself stable after a one month holiday..I just need time to get back to my old self I hope..

"It is just a side effect.."