Whatever happened in the previous entries should remain there and it will be kept as memories still..Today I felt very unstable My feelings,situation and my body..Everyday I'm getting sick with more and more symptoms showing up..Currently my head feel high a blur to think properly..Why does bad things always happen to those that are good?..Questions are always left unanswered and should it really be left that way..I don't get it about my question and what is the source of it..I don't want to know deeply in it..All I want to do is just rest for the next paper..Time is scarce to me..I have to commit what I had made committed to..Should be sleeping soon..to rest my head..

"Sleep..Dreams..it felt wonderful to do it but its a fear for me"

I'll just move on like some say
Whether It's for the best or worse

No point dwelling over it
A past is a past and
It belongs where it truly does
History should never repeat itself
And Neither Should I

My mind is in pain
So does my heart
Unfitting the puzzle
Of its shattered pieces
That have broken in the process

I have to accept
What life had offered me
Even if I despise it
This is who I am
As no one is born perfect

Even if I wanted to argue that
I felt that there's no point
It would be a waste of time
To look back at those precious memories
Some are tragic and Some bring back Negative feelings

My State is just a confusion
Just like a newborn baby
Seeing the world for its first time
Not knowing anything
I'm sealing it once more forever locked
My One out of Three Alter Ego

That's all I can say

I felt I'm useless
I felt I'm hopeless
I felt I'm unworthy
I felt I'm like a piece of shit
I felt I'm like I'm stupid
I felt ridiculous
I felt I'm not who I want to be
I felt I have no dreams
I felt I am just nobody
I felt I suffered too much
I felt the world is like hell
I felt I had to overcome so many things
I felt It's unfair
I felt I'm nobody to complain to

What I felt would not be heard by anyone because when they see me they run,ignore,hate,despise,gossip or whatever negative things they can do to me..

It's a scar that I had never seen
Maybe I just purposely hid it away
Am I happy or sad
What the hell is my true self!

Can anyone tell me..

Why am I getting back those old memories
Shouldn't I be forgetting them
Throwing them away
In a dimension that could not be found

I don't understand.

They pitied me for what I am
And that is what hurts the most
I'm getting too emotional
Or Am I getting over-protective

I don't understand
Why do I feel like I'm suffering

I don't know what to do
Hate or Love
This world tears me apart
My feelings are a mist of clouds

Who understands me..

It's happening again everything from my past is coming back to me even if it's in another form..I don't want to see this happening again I'm preventing it..It hurts..I don't understand myself again once more..I'm lost and wished to be hidden by the shadows..When people look at me they stare at me blankly..and sometimes I find it an insult..I know what I am and what I look like and the more people does that it felt hurtful..Sometimes I feel that this world is worse than hell..It hurts..I keep thinking about it..where is my true self..Am i suppose to be happy or sad..

My dreams are occurring every night and its a fear to sleep during the night..The feeling I felt seeing people died right in front of my eyes and the fear that I felt during that time..It felt almost like real..I want someone to understand me in this world..At least someone..Sometimes my dream could be carried away..and felt that this was real..my soul lifeless..trapped forever in that dream which happen repeatedly every night..

Few more days it would be the start of our EL examination for our school still so many have happened since then..Some that are now willing to study and there are some there still don't want to try..It had been an intensive week of our lesson with the teachers and the following Wednesday and Thursday would be the last..I wish everyone all the best in their examinations and try their best..

Now i know what is my passion it's music..Songs i hear solos,duets change my expression as the song goes..sad or happy..Instruments played..This musics is quite meaningful as it express someone feeling when showing to audience..Now i know what it felt that our passion really do need a lot of courage and i have overcome it..My friends in my class motivates me somehow..I hope there's an opportunity for them in our final year..Wondering why i said that..it's because next year we are no longer one as a class like last year we went up as one..Next year we would no longer see each other face in the same room..Some go to other institution while some still remain..I hope that all of them remain and finish their "O" level and graduate..

"You know the world can see us..in a way that's different than who we are..-Breaking Free"

It's been a while since I post here and now the time has come..All of us have to be prepare for the worse and willing to accept any consequences we face along the way..Today in class,I felt so depressed and felt so tired.Snoozing off into class would be great with the nice cooling weather..I have sometimes nothing to say as I clicked back the link on my previous entry..my previous memories..the one that I have left it behind..A new year a new person yet I thought..I hope that nothing would change This..Some of us may be stress about consequences but we can't expect to live a life that everything is perfect..We need to give and take or in other words sacrifice the risks to earn something in return or loss either way its still a learning process..During EL seeing the conversation questions remind me of the animals that are now suffering because of our faults..They are innocent I guess and I would have to thanked the one that are asking me that question for saying what i felt although it got off-track from the topic..Thanks I guess..

I would prefer to be a volunteer with SPCA during the holidays to help those little critters that had lost their habitats..their home where they grew up..we do not want to lose ours but why we force on them that have nothing to say for their rights for their own territory...I would want to save them too..They are truly innocent..

"We need to believe in ourselves as it would bring closer to our goal"